Alone.........

I am locked in room as others are drinking and enjoying themselves.
I lay locked in angry, hating those for their laugher on the other side of the door. At my boyfriend for not running to my side. I watch the clock tick each hour away, rage growing with every tick.
But then I got thinking, I was the one who walked to the room, I was the one who chose to be angry instaed of enjoying myself. I was the one. Me, my own actions. I wanted to know why.
Why as a woman do I allow myself to be locked in the sterotype of insecurities and mood swings.
Why do I hold myself in such states, hurting myself with angry thoughts and missing out on life.
Is it fear that by my parnter not coming to my side my defence, they dont truly love or accept me.
Is it a power thing of being the centre of ones world that every emotion I feel should be felt by them. A connection so deep that emotion and thoughts become one.
It was my own fears of him wanting other for I do not see how he'd he desire me, or that it was a pure sex thing with no regard to the person I am within.
But he has not done a thing to justify such responces from me.
SO why the thoughts, why the fears. WHy can I accept that maybe he just loves me.
So swallowing my pride, I walked back into that room. I sat on that couch and joined in with the laughs and was rewarded with a hug.